Congressman Glitter Bombed, FBI Investigates

The office of Jeff Fortenberry has been attacked.  A bomb was delivered to the Congressman via mail under a fake name.  Both the Post Office and the FBI are investigating the incident, trying to find the terrorist who mailed the bomb.  Attached to the weapon was a letter stating “Congrats! You’ve earned this for trying to deny women their right to choice. Mind your own uterus.”

Congressman Fortenberry had this to say about the FemmeNazi terrorist: “Anyone is free to disagree with me, but to resort to these tactics in a heightened threat environment is reckless and a waste of precious law enforcement resources.”

Fortunately, the device did not kill or injure anybody, and damage to the office building was minimal.  The most damage done was making all the office supplies in the building glittery.

…Wait a second.  A glitter bomb?!

This Congressman is having the FBI investigate a glitter bomb?!  Sheesh, talk about government waste!  Don’t you think you’re overreacting a bit, Mr. Congressman?  What’re the Feds gonna do if they catch the person who mailed the glitter bomb?

“Ma’am, put down the device!”

“Stay back, or this place is gonna sparkle!!!”

This glitter bomb was sent because of Mr. Fortenberry’s stance on abortion, I assume.  I wonder what his stance on gay marriage is?  Well, I think we can all agree that, from now on, this Congressman is