Schwarzenegger to reprise role in new Conan film

Know, O Prince, that between the years when action heroes were young and tough, and the years of the rise of new stars, there was an aged undreamed of, when old movie stars reprised the roles that made them famous, and franchises lay shattered across the world like mantles under the stars… Hither came Arnold, an Austrian/Californian, gray-haired, sullen-eyed, paycheck in hand, an actor, a governor, an ex-bodybuilder, with gigantic man-boobs and desperation to stay young, to tread another franchise beneath his feet.

Conan the Barbarian is one of my favorite fantasy/comic/novel/film characters of all time.  If you asked me why, I honestly couldn’t tell you.  Every single tale about Conan the barbarian is the same:  Conan rides into town, gets into trouble, escapes, kills a monster, saves the kingdom, sleeps with a chick and rides off with a bag of gold, onto the next city.

You’d think that a plot like that would be pretty simple for Hollywood to follow, wouldn’t it? Strangely enough, a Conan movie seems to be the one thing they can’t do right!  Arnold Schwarzenegger played the role back in the 80s.  While good, for its time, the films are pretty silly by today’s standards:


And their most recent attempt to bring the barbarian to the big screen was… Well, all I’ll say about it is that I enjoyed it.  But I’m in the minority:


Well, the gods have seen fit to bless us with yet another Conan film!  Arnold Schwarzenegger, fresh off of reprising his role as the Terminator (and reminding us how old he’s getting), will once again take up his sword and enter an age undreamed of!  An age of CGI’d muscles and nostalgic throwbacks.

Produced and co-written by Chris Morgan, this new film is called The Legend of Conan.  It is planned to be a direct sequel to Conan the Barbarian, taking place about 30 years later.  Hopefully, there will be fewer camel-punchings in this future… quotes Mr. Morgan: “Our tone is a logical extension of the character established in the ’82 film…but 30 years later. When we meet him again, Conan has been many things over the course of his life — a thief, a warrior, a pirate, a king, a legend — and is now an older man. Think Unforgiven…with a sword-wielding barbarian.”

Morgan also says that three actors from the original movie will reprise their role in this film, as well.  I think we can guess at least one of them…

The release date for this… “Anticipated?”  No…. “dreaded?”  No, that’s not it, either.  “Cynically hopeful?”  Yeah, that’s closer to how I feel about it.  Anyway, the release date for the film is not yet known.