Sports involving crashing into each other bad for health

I didn’t know Captain Obvious was a scientist!

Researchers from the Mayo Clinic have discovered something shocking!  People can get hurt by playing football!  According to the scientists’ research, about ⅓ of men who played chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), which is caused by repeated brain trauma.

Symptoms of CTE include memory loss, depression, and dementia.  These are symptoms also shown by people whose entire plan for the future involved catching an egg shaped ball for millions of dollars a year.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, it’s unknown how common or prevalent CTE is among the general population. However, a study of 3,439 NFL players from the National Institute for Occupational Safety and Health found that former players were more than three times more likely than the general population to develop a brain or nervous system disorder.

Of course, football isn’t the only sport found to cause this.  There is also boxing, wrestling, rugby, and basketball.

And people say I’m the weirdo for not really enjoying sports!  I’m not lazy, I’m actually three times healthier!