Christie Promises To Do Away With Healthy Food

If we let our children eat healthy, the terrorists win.

Presidential candidate and bear preparing for hibernation, Chris Christie, has made doing away with healthy food one of his campaign promises.  In a town hall meeting at a Village Inn restaurant in Iowa, Christie was confronted by 11 year old Jacob Royal.  Royal was upset that, under Michelle Obama’s health initiatives, the pizza and crispitos have been taken out of the school cafeteria.

“Using the government to mandate her point of view on what people should be eating every day is none of her business, it just isn’t,” Christie said of Mrs. Obama. “I want people to eat healthier. I’ve been trying to eat more healthy. We all should be trying to do that. It makes us better, makes us living longer, better quality of life, all the rest of it. But in the end, it’s your choice.”

1: Christie admitted that healthy diets help lead to longer lifespans.  It’s rare to see a Republican accept scientific facts, so this is impressive!

2: He’s angry that the First Lady is using her position to try and influence the health of future generations.  Well, that’s unheard of!  How dare she!  A first lady hasn’t done something so outlandish since Barbara Bush and the Global Health Corps!

3: “I’ve been trying to eat more healthy.”  Good for you, Chris.  Eating health certainly isn’t an easy thing to do in our fast food society.  Boy, wouldn’t it be nice if healthy food were easier to come by?