The barbarian horde gnaws at the gates. Mighty Rome faces its gravest threat. Who shall save the once greatest empire on earth? Why, no other than the legions! Yes, the legions of Rome prepare to march! None can stand before their might…unless they have a laser pointer.
The city of Rome has a rat problem. A big one, at that. It’s estimated that there are 5.2 million rodents loose in the Italian capitol. A thirty year old law requiring the neutering of cats and dogs in the city has only made the rat problem worse.
However, mayoral candidate Antonio Razzi recently announced a plan to rid the city of rats for good. He wants to unleash an army of 500,000 cats onto the streets of Rome to catch and devour these invaders.
Fox News reports: The cats would be imported from Asia and be deployed in strategic areas throughout Rome to target the rodents.
While the cats would get free reign of the city streets, Razzi assures there’s little risk of a feral feline takeover. In fact, the politician has a heartwarming and cost-effective proposition to keep the cats in check.
“They could live with Rome’s lovely old cat ladies. We could even offer a subsidiary for taking them in,” Razzi said.
Just as soldiers of the Roman Empire could expect to retire to a comfortable plot of land after years of faithful service, these cats get to come home to the cooky old cat ladies. So long as this cat army doesn’t go up against any Goth or Vandal rats, they should fare well.
Bread and Circus… and Cat Nip!
(Fun fact: Did you know that the spot where Julius Caesar was assassinated is now a no-kill shelter for cats?)