Satanists Distance Themselves From Ted Cruz

I mean, how would you feel if someone compared you to the zodiac killer?

Former Speaker of the House and orange man before Trump stole the shtick John Boehner recently popped back up in the headlines.  He took a firm stance against presidential candidate Ted Cruz, calling him “Lucifer in the flesh.”  According to Mr. Boehner, he had never worked with “a more miserable son of a bitch” than Ted.  Ted Cruz not being fun to work with?  Who could’ve guessed!

What’s really interesting, however, is the people who got offended by Boehner’s comments.  Not Ted Cruz supporters (though they probably were,) not even ted Cruz himself (he’s too miserable to be offended.)  The people who were offended were the literal devil-worshipers.  That’s right, the Satanists were angry at being compared to Ted Cruz.

The Hill reports:  “Cruz’s failures of reason, compassion, decency and humanity are products of his Christian pandering, if not an actual Christian faith,” Satanic Temple spokesman Lucien Greaves said on Thursday, according to The Friendly Atheist.

“It grows tedious when pedophile priests and loathsome politicians are conveniently dismissed as Satanic, even as they spew Biblical verse and prostrate themselves before the cross, recruiting the Christian faithful. Satanists will have nothing to do with them.”

So Ted Cruz got compared to the devil.  To fire back, the Satanists compared him to a pedophile, and worse, a politician!  So, basically, when Ted Cruz got compared to the Satanists’ boss, they said, “Come on, guys, really?  Satan isn’t that bad!”

How did Ted respond to these attacks?  Did he condemn the Satanists as hellhound heretics?  Did he defend his honor, saying he was a moral, upright Christian man who was far from being the devil incarnate?

“I’ve never worked with John Boehner,” he said. “Truth of the matter is, I don’t know the man. I’ve met John Boehner two or three times in my life.”

He can’t call me the devil!  He barely knows me well enough to know how miserable I am to work with!

Say what you will about Ted Cruz, but how much fun could it be to work with a guy who shut down the entire government so he could read Green Eggs and Ham?