Sex-Themed Theme Park Planned in Brazil

Because what’s more arousing than standing in a line for half an hour in ninety degree weather and paying ten dollars for a bottle of water?

Brazilians are contemplating building an adult-only theme park only a few hours drive from the city of São Paulo, near a town called Piracicaba.  The project’s name is ErotikaLand, and will host genital-shaped bumper cars, a sexy sculpture park, snack bars serving aphrodisiacs, a museum showing the history of sex, and will have “short stay” motels nearby that are owned by the park.  Oh, there’s also going to be a ferris wheel and water slide!

The man in charge of the ErotikaLand project, Mauro Morata, explained that the park will create over 250 new jobs, and will bring in lots of money to the surrounding area.  Tickets will be $100 per person (Interestingly, kids don’t get a discount.  Wonder why?)  Investors also added that the park will promote healthy sexual activity.  Employees will encourage the use of condoms, and visitors won’t be allowed to engage in any lewd acts on park grounds.  (That’s what the motels are for.)

Of course, there are some detractors to the whole idea.  The New York Times Reports: “We cannot be known as the capital of sex,” Matheus Erler, a member of the Christian Socialist Party who leads the Piracicaba City Council, told reporters. He said he was worried that the park would attract “debauched individuals.”

Yeah, why do we need a sexy theme park?  That’ll just attract the wrong kind of crowd.  We only want good, wholesome people to come to Brazil.  People who enjoy the clean, nonsexual cultural events that the country has to offer.  Take Carnival, for example!


Nothing sexual about that!

Local politicians have moved to block the project, but investors are continuing to look for the perfect spot to raise their miniature Sodom and Gomorrah.  Doors are expected to open in 2018.  If you plan to attend, be prepared for long lines at the sex swing!