Iranian Soccer Player Suspended for Squarepants

“Oooohhhh… Who’s just out of work and lives in Iran? SO-SHA MAKA-NI! In trouble, dressed funny, and needs a new plan? SO-SHA MAKA-NI! If political bull**** is something you wish, (SO-SHA MAKA-NI!) Then wear yellow pants, form your own fashion niche! SO-SHA MAKA-NI, SO-SHA MAKA-NI, SO-SHA MAKA-NI, SO-SHAAAA MAKA-NIIIII!!!!” *flute solo*

An Iranian soccer player (or “footballer” as the uncivilized parts of the world call it) has earned himself a six-month suspension for wearing a pair of pants that look to be the same color and skin tone of Spongebob.

A committee in charge of being the moral police for Iran’s soccer team decided to suspend 29-year-old Sosha Makani. The pants that were deemed inappropriate can be seen in the image below.


The Guardian reports: The linking of Makani’s appearance with the American cartoon character SpongeBob SquarePants appears to stem from the fact that he was wearing lurid yellow trousers. American fictional characters, such as Mickey Mouse and Barbie, have not been particularly popular with the Iranian authorities, with shops selling their toys having been targeted in the past. Makani’s T-shirt also appears to show a swear word in English.

Authorities are concerned about how the country’s cultural and sport figures appear in public, and are particularly sensitive to their appearances on social media.

On one hand, sure, I understand the importance of having a good public image. On the other hand, suspending a soccer player for dressing like that doesn’t help your image! It just makes your country look like a self-conscious teenage girl. “Ew, delete that! I look so ugly! Don’t tag me!”

You wanted to avoid attention and now look what you did. It’s everywhere! Don’t you know even the first rule of the internet? Your ugliest picture will be the most popular!