Man Sues for Right to Marry Computer

It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve Jobs! …But to be fair, there was an Apple involved in that story.

Chris Sevier, a Utah native (of course he is) has filed a lawsuit for his right to marry a computer. His argument is that since the federal government has legalized gay marriage, all other forms of marriage must be allowed, too. Including marriage to inanimate objects.

KTLA 5 reports: Sevier says legalizing same-sex marriage is like turning religious beliefs into law because he says there’s no scientific proof that homosexuality is a genetic trait.

“There is no real proof that there is a gay gene,” he said. “There is no real proof that people are born gay.”

He is right about the genetics thing (at least to my extensive knowledge gained from a 10 minute Google search.) Of course, also to my Google knowledge, there is no “straight gene” either, nor is there a “pervert gene,” a “fetish gene,” or a “bisexual gene.”

So what does cause sexuality in a person? I don’t know, but that’s a can of worms for another day.

During a Skype interview with KTLA sister station KSTU, Sevier was asked if he’s sexually attracted to his computer.

“Whatever a person has sex with they can bond with,” he said. “This is getting into nasty facts stuff, and the truth is that’s engaging in private intimacy matters, and that’s completely irrelevant for the purposes of federal court, and it’s completely irrelevant for the legal matters at hand.”

He didn’t deny that he’s had sex with his computer… And since we’re familiar with Utah’s obsession with porn and finding ways to combat it, it may be likely.

Servier added that should the government rescind their decision to allow gay marriage, he would drop his case and cease any romantic interest in his computer.

However, if he goes through with it and actually wins this right to marry his computer, he may want to consider doing some prenuptial agreements. Will the wife be keeping her maiden IP address? In the event of a divorce, who keeps the CDs? Also, they both should probably get checked for viruses. It’s the smart thing to do before sticking your flash drive into anything.

Utah Man Who Sued for Right to Marry His Computer: ‘This Is Not a Game’