New Third Party Candidate Jumps Onto Scene: Harambe the Gorilla

More articulate than Donald Trump, and actually shot at more times than Hillary Clinton, Harambe the Gorilla is the candidate America most needs!

You may remember Harambe, the gorilla that was shot and killed in the Cincinnati Zoo. He caused a bit of an internet firestorm with his death, with people debating whether or not a child’s life is actually worth more than a gorilla’s. Thanks to a recent survey by Public Policy Polling, Harambe is making waves again. In fact, were he running for president, 5% of America would be willing to vote for him.

The survey had participants answer questions about the presidential election. One of which was who they would vote for in a three-way race between Clinton, Trump, and the gorilla.


Another question revealed that, while only 5% of people view Harambe favorably, 69% of the polled population was unsure of what to think. This could easily be resolved with more publicity, of course (an issue plaguing third party candidates.)


A third part of the poll, not entirely related to the late Harambe’s political chances, found that 18% of the population believe Hillary Clinton has literally sold her soul for her career.


Personally, I think Harambe could be a good president. He clearly understands the importance of gun safety. He has a better hairdo than either Trump of Clinton. Best of all, he’s already dead so the secret service doesn’t have to worry about any assassination attempts. Harambe 2016!

Five percent of Americans would vote for Harambe for president: Poll