New Theory Shakes Up Flat-Earth Community

A recently proposed theory has flipped the flat-earth world upside down… and everyone promptly fell off into space.

The new theory has only been promoted in the past month, but already it has caused waves. This youtube video helps explain the theory:


Since the video is an hour and twenty minutes long, I will briefly summarize it for you: Not only is the earth flat, but it has no forests.

That is correct! All those trees you’ve seen lying around, well, you’re just wrong. There’s no easy way to say it. Those are not forests.

The Atlantic reports: This isn’t a forest at all: only a diminished imitation. Thousands of years ago, a cataclysmic event destroyed 99% of the Earth’s biosphere, and when it happened, it took away the real forests. Real trees are nothing like their stunted cousins, the miserable perishing scraps of wood that we see today; they were truly vast, hundreds of kilometers tall, magical organisms that sustained a total living ecology of the flat earth. These things were the anchor of a beautiful world that has now vanished forever. And how does he know? Because everywhere around us, we can see their stumps.

Some of these “stumps” include Devils Tower in Wyoming, which are obviously remnants of the great trees of old:


A view of Devils Tower National Monument in Wyoming on May 15, 2016. Devils Tower is a flat-topped volcanic formation which looms 386 m. (1267 feet) above the Belle Fourche river in Eastern Wyoming. / AFP / MLADEN ANTONOV (Photo credit should read MLADEN ANTONOV/AFP/Getty Images)

The forests we see today are nothing more than shrubbery, a sad imitation of what used to be. Apparently our planet used to look like Kashyyyk, from Star Wars. But what happened to these trees whose stumps are today’s mountains?

At this point the video starts to lose focus. The narrator alleges that a nuclear war took place in the 19th century, that large bathtubs are proof of the technological complexities of previous ages, that volcanoes are massive slag piles boiling with reactive chemical waste.

Oh… so ancient humans ignored the warning signs of global warming and completely wrecked the environment, too! We also apparently had nuclear technology back in the Civil War. Boy, that would have made those old documentaries a lot more interesting!

So, is this just another conspiracy theory, or is our mysterious YouTuber on to something? The truth is out there! (Just probably not here…)


One thought on “New Theory Shakes Up Flat-Earth Community

  1. george mckinney says:

    A real testament to our combined ignorance that people actually spend time and effort on obvious bull shit.


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