British Lettuce Shortage Leads to Salad Black Market

America has a bacon shortage, Britain has a lettuce shortage, and this is why we’re the greater country!

Great Britain is currently undergoing a national crisis that threatens their economy. Due to some bad storms across the Mediterranean last week, the nation is facing a shortage of lettuce and other vegetables. This has forced supermarkets to ration what supplies they have, and has also brought about the creation of a veggie black market.

The Telegraph reports: But the ban has led to markets and causal sellers taking advantage of desperate salad fans by flogging them salad and vegetables for up to 10 times the usual price. 

Yesterday a man was found offering a box of lettuce which would usually cost £5, for £50 on Gumtree.

The lettuces worked out at £4.16 each with the seller’s post reading: “A box of a dozen Iceberg lettuce, freshly picked this morning. There is a national shortage of these beauties so the price is a little higher due to supply and demand.”

Last night experts said the “crisis” highlighted British consumers’ over-reliance on foreign imports, urging them to buy more British farmed vegetables such as spring greens, carrots and parsnips instead.

Well, those local farmers better get ready for a lot more support from the public! Brexit is sure going to mess with that “foreign reliance” they seemed to hate oh so much. As an American, can I suggest to any British readers out there you just eat more meat? It’s not like vegetables are an important part of your diet, after all, and burgers taste great even without lettuce or tomatoes!

Celebrity gardener, Alan Titchmarsh, told the Daily Telegraph: “This is a reminder that we must support British farmers.

We’ve become too reliant on imports at expense at own agriculture and we need to remember that it is in our interests to pay a fair price for home grown produce.

“We should stick to seasonal British produce as it is reasonably priced and gives a varied diet. By relying on foreign imports we’ve lost the joy of anticipating of things like asparagus and fruits in the spring. We need to get back to that.”

You “lost the joy” of anticipating asparagus?! What kind of backwards, medieval society do you people live in?! You know what’s great about living in the United States? Not having to “look forward to” my ability to go out and buy food!!! I can go to any supermarket I want and buy whatever I want! Apples in February? Carrots in July? Whenever I want and as much as I want! Seeing you try to put a positive spin on a food shortage is adorable.

Anyone else feel like we should be sending relief of some kind to Great Britain? They are a close ally, after all. Can’t you just picture American relief workers flying in and handing out cabbages to the starving British masses?


One thought on “British Lettuce Shortage Leads to Salad Black Market

  1. george mckinney says:

    There was a time when we had it going on with this food thing. Boat loads of Spam & powered milk were sent across the pond. Sold on credit of course and since they were subject to the crap shoot of meeting up with a German torpedo; prices soared as millions of animals were ground up & shipped “over there” in tin cans. This allowed Churchill to reveal that U-boats were his greatest fear and Spam the greatest thing since green beans-“saved our ass no less” he proclaimed after the war. We still have Spam & powered milk available – now at very competitive prices thanks to bigger ships and no German torpedos.


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