Fast Food Makes You Gay

We all know that fast food is bad for us, but it’s just so good! It’s easy to get, also. Cooking can be a hassle sometimes, and you just want something fast and easy to eat. Sure, it makes us fat, but we don’t care. Apparently it can also make us gay.

According to a self-published study by author Rita Strakosha, homosexuality is caused by an unhealthy diet!

Pink News reports:It claims: “Homosexuals… [often eat] large amounts of high glycemic index foods and fat, or eating an imbalanced diet, leaning toward carbohydrates. Some studies show an increased rate of obesity among homosexuals.

“Gay men, lesbian and bisexual women report a higher odds of sugar-sweetened beverage consumption than straight men and women.

“Access to a high calorie diet and alcoholic drinks was limited to the social elite circles in the past. Homosexuality as well appears to have been more frequent among that group.”

The study further suggests that a bad sleep cycle could also cause homosexual urges, and advises that people sleep regularly and avoid sugary diets. Sugar is sweet, and sweet things are gay!

1: If obesity rates really were higher in the gay community, why are skinny jeans a thing?

2: If high calorie diets and alcohol made you gay, and only the elite of days gone by had access to those, then nobody would ever be able to inherit money! Trust fund babies would be nonexistent

3: This is America. Why aren’t we all gay right now?

As a recent college graduate, I can attest that fast food has been way too big a part of my life. I practically lived off of Panda Express, Chick-fil-a, and McDonalds. You know what it did to me? I’m almost 20 lbs. heavier than when I started college. What fast food did not do is give me any fashion sense, a lisp, or a desire to become a TV character whose sexual preference is his only personality trait. So, in other words, I’m straight!

But, if you’re suddenly really worried about this, give cutting out fast food a try. I doubt it’ll make you less gay, but at least you’ll be healthier! Besides, what’s straighter than a kale salad and a cup of relaxing herbal tea?


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