Overdoses Leading Killer For Americans Under 50

On the bright side, it’s opening up the job market more!

If you’re a citizen of the United States and too young to get a senior discount on McDonalds coffee, beware! Something’s out to kill you! Not terrorism, not mental illness, not radiation from cell phones (despite what my grandmother may think,) but drug overdoses!

“Of course it’s drugs!” I hear you say. “We need to get those nasty drug dealers off the street, they’re getting our kids addicted to meth!”

Well, while illegal drugs do play a part, here’s some interesting news: Prescription drugs are the real danger!

The year 2016 saw 59,000 deaths due to overdoses, which is a 19% increase from last year. One of the worst-hit states is Ohio, which saw 4,100 deaths last year.

CBS reports: Most of it is tied to heroin or prescription painkillers, often laced with a powerful synthetic opioid known as fentanyl.

In Ohio alone, nearly four billion opioid pills were prescribed across Ohio between 2011 and 2015.

Thomas Gilson, the medical examiner for Cuyahoga County, said: “If you look at how many people die in the country from opiate overdose, we’re looking at the same number of casualties as the entire Vietnam conflict.”

The state of Ohio is now suing five major drug companies for hiding the risk of addiction to their product. So the medicine, i.e. the stuff that’s supposed to make us healthier, is now killing us. Oh, joy!

Now this is something I find really weird. You would think that pill-popping would be the main killer of people over 50, not under it. I mean, old people are the one who stereotypically need pills the most, don’t they?


Houston Sells $2 Million Worth of Streets

Houston: Come for the Mexican food, stay because you can’t afford to leave on their toll roads.

If you’re from Texas, you know that real estate always has been, and always will be, a big market. The first settlers came to Texas in search of land, and that tradition continues today. Well, good news, everyone! The city of Houston has recently sold almost two million dollars’ worth of property. It’s a short commute from the city, as well. In fact, it is the commute!

The Houston Chronicle reports: The city of Houston held a yard sale of sorts last week, dusting off some possessions it doesn’t use anymore and offering them for sale or swap to its neighbors.

In this case, City Council approved selling or swapping almost $2 million worth of city streets and utility easements. That won’t correct the more than $100 million budget deficits city officials project for the next five years, but it’s not peanuts. 

$1.4 million of streets and easements have gone to the Valero oil refinery in Manchester, which plans to add more parking and new buildings to its compound. Over $400,000 of road and sewer easements went to Milby High School, in exchange for 7 ½ acres of land next to Clinton Park.

Like the report mentioned, it doesn’t cover the $100 million deficit the city is facing, but it’s a start. I’m sure they can find some more stuff to sell if they look around. I hear they got a football team that isn’t doing much these days!


N. Korea Calls Trump “Selfish” Over Paris Climate Deal

When literally the only fat person in a starving country calls you selfish, you may want to step back and rethink things.

The Paris Climate Deal, an agreement amongst most countries on Earth to combat climate change, has been thrown into a bit of chaos ever since Donald Trump swore to pull the United States out of the deal. This move by has been criticized by many people, as well as by leaders of foreign countries. One such person is Kim Jong Un, leader of North Korea and that boy from Up gone evil.

CNN reports: In a statement Tuesday [June 6,] Pyongyang said Washington’s move represented “the height of egoism and moral vacuum seeking only their own well-being, even at the cost of the entire planet.”

Ouch! From the country that threatens nuclear war every month?!

“The selfish act of the US does not only have grave consequences for the international efforts to protect the environment, but poses great danger to other areas as well,” a spokesman for the North Korean Ministry of Foreign Affairs said, according to state news agency KCNA.

I’m not sure what it says that North Korea has agreed to the Climate Deal and the United States hasn’t… Obviously that climate change really is a conspiracy by liberal-commies that want to destroy the American economy! I would rather see the United States sink into the ocean before submitting to such Democrat-evil! The fact that sinking into the ocean is a distinct possibility is beside the point!


Shooting in Virginia Targets Congressmen

This story may be a little light on the info today. I just woke up and this only happened maybe an hour ago (at the time of writing.)

According to reports, there has been a mass shooting in Virginia, targeting members of Congress. House Whip Steve Scalise has been wounded, as well as three other non-congressmen. 25 Republicans were practicing for the Congressional Baseball Game, a charity event to promote bipartisanship, when the shooting took place.

People Magazine reports: The gunman fired up to 50 times with a rifle before he was shot and wounded by Capitol Police, who were on hand, and Alexandria police officers who arrived within three minutes, [Senators] Flake and Brooks said.

The suspect has been described as a white male in his 40s or 50s.

Well, at least now we know this will only be called a “shooting” instead of a “terrorist attack.”

“I think that with absolute certainty nobody would have survived without Capitol Police. Just incredibly brave,” Senator Rand Paul told CNN.

An Alexandria police spokeswoman confirmed to PEOPLE that officers had responded to a “multiple shooting,” but would not name any victims or confirm that a group of Congress members were attacked. The spokeswoman said victims had been transported to area hospitals.

Police said in a tweet that the suspect is in custody and “not a threat.”

Well, as terrible as the situation is, hopefully it’s something that we all can learn from. This is what all the divisiveness in politics gets us. Thanks to Congress and overly-biased media, we now see anyone with “Republican” or “Democrat” tied to their identity as something to be hated and attacked, sometimes literally. What’s really ironic is that this shooting took place while they were practicing for a charity game meant to bring the two sides of the aisle together!

If you want updates on this story, I’d suggest checking an actual news source.

Mass Shooting in Virginia: Steve Scalise Shot at Baseball Practice, Report

Doctors Remove 29 lbs of Feces From Constipated Man

Quite possibly more full of sh*t than our president!

Chinese doctors have recently saved a man’s life by surgically removing a buttload (pardon the pun) of crap from his gut. The patient, by the name of Zhou Hai, was checked into the hospital last week with severe abdominal pain and difficulty breathing. When doctors began working on him, I’m sure they went “Holy sh*t!”

Asia One reports: Zhou told doctors that he had been suffering from constipation since he was born. He took laxatives regularly but they only helped to alleviate his discomfort.

His parents thought that his condition was a small ailment, so it remained untreated for years. It eventually deteriorated until he required emergency treatment.

In a three-hour operation, surgeons removed a section of Zhou’s colon that was 76cm long and weighed 13kg.



Hey, I warned you!

After the surgery Mr. Zhou was almost 29 lbs. lighter and diagnosed with Hirschsprung’s disease, a birth defect that makes pooping really difficult.

Well, there you have it! I’m sure this is the kind of story you wanted to start your day with! But what a relief that it finally passed, huh? ba-dum-tss!


RIP Adam West

Instead of the regular news that makes you hate the world because of its stupidity, today we’re taking a short break to hate the world for taking away another tiny chunk of our childhoods.

Adam West died this weekend at the age of 88. According to reports he went peacefully in his sleep after a short battle with cancer.

Adam West has had some interesting television roles. The most well known being Batman.


He also played a totally-not-parody character “Catman” in The Fairly Odd Parents.


And Adam West also voiced the mayor (who just happened to share the same name) in Family Guy.


He also had a number of roles in movies, as well!

AOL reports: On the big screen, West played a wealthy Main Line husband who meets an early end in Paul Newman’s The Young Philadelphians (1959), was one of the first two humans on the Red Planet in Robinson Crusoe on Mars (1964) and contributed his velvety voice to the animated Redux Riding Hood (1997), which received an Oscar nomination for best short film.

I remember watching a lot of the old ’60s Batman shows with my dad when I was little. We still watch them from time to time. They’re silly and campy, but hilarious. Adam West had a great talent for making people laugh all while keeping a perfectly straight face. He will be missed!


McCain Acting Weird at Comey Hearing

Yesterday’s testimony of former FBI Director James Comey had many in the United States on the edge of their seats. What really happened? Why was he really fired? Is this the beginning of a whole new world of trouble for Trump, or just another scandal?

For two and a half hours Comey was questioned by senators over FBI investigations, his conversations with the president, and the events that lead up to his firing. At the end of the line of questioners was Senator John McCain. McCain’s questioning focused on the FBI investigation into Hillary Clinton’s email server as well as the ongoing Russia investigation… And because this is how American politics works nowadays, things took a turn for the strange.

The Washington Post reports: …several of his questions confused viewers, and seemingly Comey himself, and he occasionally was incoherent. He referred to “President Comey,” and at times looked confused and frustrated with Comey’s answers.

“In the case of Hillary Clinton, you made the statement that there wasn’t sufficient evidence to bring a suit against her, although it had been very careless in their behavior, but you did reach a conclusion in that case that it was not necessary to further pursue her,” McCain’s line of questioning began. “Yet at the same time, in the case of Mr. [Trump], you said that there was not enough information to make a conclusion. Tell me the difference between your conclusion as far as former secretary Clinton is concerned, and Mr. Trump.”

Comey answered that the Clinton email investigation was a completed, closed investigation at the time he announced in July that “no reasonable prosecutor” would bring a case against her, while the Russia investigation is still underway and could be for some time.

This went back and forth several times, Sen. McCain seeming to have trouble understanding Comey’s statement that he only spoke on the Clinton investigation after it was complete, and didn’t speak about the Russia investigation because it wasn’t.

“I think it’s hard to reconcile, in one case you reach a complete conclusion, and on the other side you have not,” McCain said. “I think that’s a double standard there, to tell you the truth.”

You can watch a video of the questioning here. Don’t worry, I’ve listened to this twice and I couldn’t figure out what he was getting at, either.

After the questioning, McCain himself seemed to have been confused, also! He released a statement saying that “maybe going forward I shouldn’t stay up late watching the Diamondbacks night games.”

Yeah, if you’re questioning someone over whether or not the president possibly tried to obstruct justice, getting a good night’s sleep beforehand would be a smart idea.