Man in “Trust Me” Shirt Steals Car, Forges Checks

You just can’t trust anybody these days!

A man in Fairfax county, Virginia, was recently arrested for stealing a car. When police caught him, however, they didn’t seem to take his shirt’s advice and arrested him anyway.

AP News reports: A suspect wearing a T-shirt emblazoned with “Trust Me” allegedly stole a car with an accomplice in Fairfax County, Virginia.

The Washington Post reports that the two suspects from Falls Church were arrested by police in the stolen car not long after the unlocked Honda Civic was taken as it warmed up.

Police say they also found several forged checks during the arrests.

The newspaper says Wilmer Lara Garcia has been charged with auto theft and two counts of forgery. Police say he was wearing the shirt that read “Trust Me.”

You know what I think? If you can’t trust your neighborhood criminal, who can you trust?


Obituary Names Browns as Cause of Death

Do you watch football? If you’re an American, it’s likely you do. Do you watch the Browns? Lol, of course not.

Recently deceased Paul Stark, of Huron, Ohio, claimed the infamously bad Cleveland Browns as a cause of death. Stark passed after a brief illness at a hospice center, “exacerbated by the hopeless condition of the Cleveland Browns.”

WYMT reports: The football team was 1-15 last season and 0-15 this year ahead of Sunday’s finale at Pittsburgh.

Even so, Stark’s obituary included a nugget of the optimism voiced by some long-suffering fans. It says the 80-year-old Mansfield native “passed just before the Browns were prepared to turn the corner.”

The best part of dying with that bit of optimism in your system? You’ll never be proven wrong!

Year in Review

Happy New Year, everybody!

With today being the first day of 2018, I thought it would be a good idea to look back on how this blog has done the past year. Well, I’m happy to say, 2017 was one of Maybe We Are Stupid’s best years so far!

As you can see by the graph below, we almost had 2,000 views and 943 visitors:

Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 9.00.10 AM

Of all the views, about 1,700 came from the good ol’ US of A. India came in second place at 20, and Canada was third at 19:

Screen Shot 2018-01-01 at 9.56.41 AM

All in all I’d say it’s been a pretty good year. This blog has been a great hobby for me, and I’m looking forward to another year of it!

Now, before I go I do have one small announcement: I’m going to be shutting down the blog’s Patreon page (hopefully temporarily.) I was hoping to draw in more readers… and a small bit of money, this year. Well, one happened but not much of the other. To be honest I’ve kind of been feeling guilty about just taking money from only my Grandpa (thanks for being my #1 fan, by the way.) I have to look into it, but if I can I’ll be refunding any money donated since I haven’t really had enough to spend it on anything to help the blog expand.

Now, hopefully later on when this blog gets a little bigger I’ll reopen the Patreon page, but for now MWAS is just too small to make that really worthwhile.

Anyways, thank you everybody for such a great year! Here’s hoping this next one is just as stupid!

Christmas Break

Hey everybody!

I just wanted you to know that MWAS will be taking a short hiatus for Christmas. We won’t be back until January. I still plan to make a few posts over the week, but they’ll be kind of irregular and not very news-y.

Anyways, thank you all so much for an awesome year! Hope you have a Merry Christmas!

DARPA Invests $100 Million in “Genetic Extinction” Technology

Well… I’m sure this won’t go wrong!

DARPA, the technology research agency and totally-not-evil corporation from a sic-fi movie, has recently made a big investment. They have spent $100 million dollars on research for technology that promises some cool things. It could potentially eliminate malaria, get rid of rodents and other pests, and destroy invasive species. There’s just one drawback. Turns out people get nervous when the term “genetic extinction technology” gets passed around!

The Guardian reports: The documents suggest that the US’s secretive Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency (Darpa) has become the world’s largest funder of “gene drive” research…

The UN Convention on Biological Diversity (CBD) is debating whether to impose a moratorium on the gene research next year and several southern countries fear a possible military application.

UN diplomats confirmed that the new email release would worsen the “bad name” of gene drives in some circles.

The use of genetic extinction technologies in bioweapons is the stuff of nightmares, but known research is focused entirely on pest control and eradication.

Of course, gene editing technology has the potential to be a really great breakthrough: We can wipe out diseases, we can edit out negative mutations in our DNA, etc. etc. etc. Of course, since people are people and people suck, we have to worry about unintended consequences: What will killing all the mosquitoes do to the food chain? What are the ethical/moral/political implications of editing the genes of a baby that has no idea what’s going on? How long until “genetic extinction tech” is weaponized?

And then, of course, we have to worry about the zombie apocalypse. You know that this is leading to a zombie apocalypse, right? This is how it always goes in the movies.

Canada: Legal Marijuana Could Lead to Communist Revolution

Because we all know about the red flags and breadlines that have been popping up around Colorado and Washington, right?

Marijuana legalization has been a big debate across the northern hemisphere for quite some time. Several U.S. states have legalized weed (and made lots of money in the process) while others have been experimenting with it for medicinal purposes. Then there are still others who want to keep it illegal.

Up north in Canada, the U.S.A’s younger and quieter little brother, the debate is also going on! Canadians who are against legal marijuana are using many of the same arguments Americans are using: It’s dangerous! It’s addictive! The communists want you to smoke it!

… Ok, that last one was new.

PressProgress reports: Alberta Conservative MLA Ron Orr is worried that legalizing marijuana could send Canada down a slippery slope into communism.

Standing in the Alberta legislature Wednesday to denounce the legalization of cannabis, the culture and tourism critic for Jason Kenney’s United Conservative Party said “smoking marijuana” has become a “fashionable, refined pastime amongst the young.”

Darn those youths! How dare they have different political beliefs than my generation?!

And the Alberta lawmaker warned the “human, social cost of this is going to be astronomical,” but “nobody’s taken a moment to think about it.”

Orr, apparently, has thought about the recreational use of marijuana and he sees a “direct historical connection” with the use of opium in “seventeenth century China,” observing opium “was just a flower, and it was smoked, just like marijuana was smoked.”

As Orr went on to argue, the “historical parallels” should be cause for alarm when thinking about legalizing marijuana, because the opium trade led to “a number of serious wars” and set the stage for “the Chinese Cultural Revolution under the communists,” a road he says he’s “not really willing to go down”

Well… there are a few differences between opium and marijuana. Mainly that opium is people make heroin out of, so it may be just a little more addictive and dangerous.

Secondly, a communist revolution run by potheads would be the easiest revolution to stop in history! All you have to do is put a big pile of snacks in the opposite direction of wherever they’re marching and the problem solves itself!

5-year-old Calls Police on Grinch

If you see something, say something!

A Mississippi 5-year-old, after watching the Christmas Classic “How The Grinch Stole Christmas,” he did the only logical thing for someone who’s afraid of a serial burglar: Call the cops. reports: Lauren Develle, a police officer in Byram, Miss., heard about the call from a dispatcher’s Facebook status that said a little boy reported he, “thought the Grinch was going to be coming to steal his Christmas.”

Develle got his address and went to the home of Tylon Pittman to reassure him his Christmas would be safe, according to the Clarion Ledger.

Their mother can be heard in the background asking Pittman if he really thought the Grinch was going to steal his Christmas, to which he replied, “He steals everybody’s Christmas.”

That’s a good point. I mean, that is kind of what the Grinch does. It’s kind of his thing.

According to the Clarion Ledger, Pittman wants to be a police officer when he grows up. 

It’s good to know we have a new generation of people growing up who will help keep us safe from Dr. Seuss characters! I’ve never felt safer!