Drunk American in Germany Beaten for Nazi Salute

Germans punching Nazis: The epitome of “Been there, done that.”

A drunken American tourist was assaulted in the German city of Dresden after giving several Nazi salutes. In case you didn’t know, throwing around Nazi salutes in Germany is illegal, as well as kind of a d*ck move. Many Germans (as well as other people, generally) find it offensive.

A German passerby seemed to take offense to the American’s unofficial history lesson, and promptly gave the tourist a solid punch.

The AP reports: Dresden police said Sunday the 41-year-old, whose name and hometown weren’t given for privacy reasons, suffered minor injuries in the 8:15 a.m. Saturday assault.

Police say the American, who is under investigation for violating Germany’s laws against the display of Nazi symbols or slogans, had an extremely high blood alcohol level. His assailant fled the scene, and is being sought for causing bodily harm.

Hey, nobody likes to be reminded of embarrassing stuff they did in their past. Everyone has a memory that keeps them awake at night: A stupid love letter to a teacher in 8th grade, a dumb fashion trend that you completely bought into, a world war and genocide, we all have regrets!


Chinese Officials Arrested for “casting spells”

China, where the only magic trick allowed is to breathe the air without coughing.

Two officials in the Chinese government have been fired for their involvement in “superstitious activities.” These activities apparently include geomancy (a form of divination by interpreting markings on the ground made by tossed rocks/dice) and casting spells to help get promotions. In officially atheist China, these are big no-nos. Also, if you’re relying on magic spells to get a promotion, you’re probably not that good at your job.

Reuters reports: Xinhua news agency said Tang Yuansong, a former county housing official in the central province of Hunan, went on five fengshui training courses under the guise of “investigation tours” starting in 2008.

Each session cost 54,000 yuan ($8,038), which Tang claimed back as business expenses, Xinhua said, citing a statement from the local anti-corruption watchdog office.

Tang also earned 5,000 yuan a year for practicing fengshui for others, it added.

The other person sacked, also a former county official, had “asked others to set up an altar to cast spells and paid 100,000 yuan in tribute each time, with hopes of being promoted”, Xinhua said.

Hey, if I had $100,000 to throw at magicians, I wouldn’t be worrying about a promotion. Clearly I’ve got more than enough money.

Both of these people have been expelled from the communist party. Fingers crossed that their next magic trick isn’t a government-sponsored disappearing act!


Neo-Confederates Advocate Secession… Again

Second time’s the charm?

“The South Shall Rise Again” is a statement you may have heard before, especially if you live in the South. With the rise of the Alt-right, however, it’s a statement that’s been popping up more and more. Neo-confederate organizations have always existed, but recently they have become, if not more popular, a lot more vocal.

One such group is the League of the South. Based in Alabama, according to their Facebook page, the League is “a Southern Nationalist organization whose ultimate goal is a free and independent Southern republic.”

Apparently “step one” of this plan to break apart the United States and reform the Confederacy involves buying billboards advocating succession.

Raw Story reports: The group has erected billboards that said “SECEDE” in several states, and it even has its own banner — a black and white version of the familiar Confederate battle flag, minus the stars,” the Associated Press reports. “Secession also finds support on some websites that support white nationalism, including Occidental Dissent, run by a Hill associate, and the openly racist, anti-Semitic Daily Stormer.”

In a Facebook post titled, “fight or die white man,” League of the South President Michael Hill wrote, “what we Southern nationalist seek is nothing less than the complete reconquest and restoration of our patrimony–the whole, entire South. And that means the South will once again be in name and in actuality White Man’s Land.”

Well they seem like a friendly group. I’m sure that the League of the South has a booming membership… right?

Last month, Hill admitted last month they have had a problem retaining members.

“The League has lost some “weak sisters” lately because of our stand in favor of the South as White Man’s Land, participation in the Nationalist Front, and our continuing expose’ of the Jew as an ancient and implacable enemy of our people and civilization If you are a “weak sister” who cannot stand to be called a racist, anti-Semite, xenophobe, white supremacist, or any of the other epithets the left throws at us, then you don’t belong in The League of the South,” Hill wrote. “The time has come for The League to get strong for battle through the process of “addition by subtraction.” Those who are timid and embrace failed half-measures are excess baggage we do not need and will not keep.”

To translate: “If you can’t stand to be called a horrible person, don’t associate with us horrible people!”

Also, addition by subtraction always works! Everybody knows how nice the country was back in the 1800s when some people tried to subtract a few states!


Mystery Hair Cutter Amok in India

Police in the north part of India have been investigating a very curious act of vandalism. Several women have claimed they have woken up to find their hair missing! Someone, or something, is going around cutting women’s hair off in their sleep. So far, nobody is sure what’s going on. It could be a serial killer who has really bad hand/eye coordination, it could be a case of mass hysteria, it could even be evil spirits!

Independant.ie reports: Officers have advised people not to believe or spread rumours following the death of a 65-year-old woman who was beaten by a mob on suspicion that she was a witch responsible for the hair theft, an official in Uttar Pradesh state said.

They have spread fear that the hair could be used to cast spells.

In some places in Uttar Pradesh, parents were keeping children indoors after school.

In the state capital Lucknow, police said a rumour began last week about someone cutting off the hair of women.

“Within days it has spread to areas around Delhi and western Uttar Pradesh. Now almost every day, police are getting complaints from women about this unknown ghost,” said Manish Rakesh, a police officer.

Some psychiatrists believe the stories may be due to mass hysteria or hallucination.

“Ghosts do not cut the braids of women. This is mischief, nothing else,” said Rakesh Gaur, a psychiatrist at Jawaharlal Nehru Medical College in Agra.

How do you know ghosts don’t cut braids? What if they were barbers when they were alive? Also, you’re not denying that ghosts exist… Do you know something we don’t?

So, whether it’s a vengeful spirit or a really strange fad, at least the victims of this crime won’t be pulling their hair out over it.


NAACP Issues Travel Advisory for Missouri

Missouri loves company… just not yours.

The state of Missouri is known for many things: Famous for growing corn and drug addicts at astonishing rates, having half of the world’s largest McDonald’s logo, being home to two supposedly-major league baseball teams, and now it also has high distinction of being the first state to ever receive a travel advisory from the NAACP.

The Kansas City Star Reports: Missouri became the first because of recent legislation making discrimination lawsuits harder to win, and in response to longtime racial disparities in traffic enforcement and a spate of incidents cited as examples of harm coming to minority residents and visitors, say state NAACP leaders.

Those incidents included racial slurs against black students at the University of Missouri and the death earlier this year of 28-year-old Tory Sanders, a black man from Tennessee who took a wrong turn while traveling and died in a southeast Missouri jail even though he hadn’t been accused of a crime.

“How do you come to Missouri, run out of gas and find yourself dead in a jail cell when you haven’t broken any laws?” asked Rod Chapel, the president of the Missouri NAACP.

“You have violations of civil rights that are happening to people. They’re being pulled over because of their skin color, they’re being beaten up or killed,” Chapel said. “We are hearing complaints at a rate we haven’t heard before.”

The NAACP’s advisory also cites the most recent attorney general’s report showing black drivers in Missouri were 75 percent more likely to be pulled over than whites. Those reports have been showing the disparity since the attorney general began releasing the data in 2000.

But how do you get pulled over in Missouri? I’ve driven through the entire state not too long ago (family was on a bike ride and I was the SAG.) Once you get away from Kansas City, Jefferson, and St. Louis there’s absolutely nothing in the whole state! Unless the cops have their cars hiding in the corn fields or behind all the confederate flags (there were a lot of those) I don’t know where they were at!

This is completely of topic, but as a history buff I would like to also point out that Missouri fought for the Union during the Civil War. It was a very contested state, to be sure, but all the rebel flags are still a little bit ironic.

Anyways, back to the story. No matter your skin color, take the travel advisory into account when planning your next road trip. I’ve driven across all of Missouri once, and that was more than enough for me. Adding racism into the mix probably would’ve made it a lot worse… and a lot more confusing considering I’m the whitest of white guys.


Child Molesters Caught Due to Large Font Texts

The moral of this story: Invest in a good pair of glasses. Oh, also don’t be a child molester.

The snooping of a nursery school teacher on a Seattle-San Jose flight lead to the arrest of two pedophiles. The inciting incident? A large font on text messages.

The BBC reports: The woman, who has not been named, was able to read the messages of the man in front of her on the Seattle-San Jose flight because they were in a large font on a large smart phone.

She took pictures of the screen and informed airline staff, police say. 

It led to the arrests of Michael Kellar, and later Gail Burnworth.

Two children, aged five and seven, have been identified as the alleged victims.

Southwest Airlines employees alerted police to the texts. After landing at Mineta San Jose International Airport, in California, Mr Kellar was detained on the spot.

Mr. Keller ended up being arrested, and shortly afterwards the woman on the other end of the text conversation, Ms. Burnworth, was also arrested. Police also discovered two reported victims, aged 5 and 7.

I know that people can get sucked into their screen when they’re  looking at something they’re really interested in, but this dude didn’t notice the woman behind him taking pictures?! That’s some pretty bad awareness of your surroundings.

Also, why are you talking about abusing children while you’re in an airplane? And over text message? You know that they keep records of those? You would think that child molesters would be more careful…


4 of 8 Detroit Mayoral Candidates Felons

And they say that nobody ever hires criminals!

The city of Detroit is known for being rough, and the current leadership position is only confirming it. Half of the people currently running for mayor (4 out of 8) have criminal records. Some of the offenses date back to the 70s, but the most recent happened in 2008.

The Detroit News reports: Political consultant Greg Bowens said there are candidates with past hardships in every election cycle. It’s not something unique to Detroit or the political arena in general, he said.

“Black marks on your record show you have lived a little and have overcome some challenges,” said Bowens, a former press secretary to Detroit Mayor Dennis Archer and NAACP activist. “They (candidates) deserve the opportunity to be heard, but they also deserve to have the kind of scrutiny that comes along with trying to get an important elected position.”

Tuesday’s Detroit mayoral primary election is the first since the city exited bankruptcy in 2014. The field of eight will be narrowed to two who will face off in the fall.

The candidates with criminal records are:

Donna Marie Pitts, convicted in 1977 of receiving and concealing a stolen 1977 Oldsmobile, and in 1987 for two counts of assault with a deadly weapon;

Danetta L. Simpson, convicted in 1996 for assault with intent to murder;

Articia Bomer, convicted in 2008 for carrying a concealed weapon; and

Curtis Christopher Greene, convicted in 2004 for fleeing and eluding police during an attempted traffic stop, as well as growing and delivering marijuana.

If you ask me, almost anybody with political aspirations should have their character thoroughly scrutinized. Also, if you ask me, maybe it’s time we let some people with less-than-clean records into office! At least all their skeletons (figurative and literal) are already out of the closet! They’re guaranteed to be immune to blackmail.