“Zombie Deer” Disease is Apparently a Thing … Also it Could Spread to People

You know The Walking Dead? It’s a TV show about a group of people trying to survive a zombie apocalypse. It had a really good first season, and went downhill from there. But, like the zombies in the show, it keeps shambling on. However, it turns out that zombies aren’t just a fictional problem to worry about! Apparently, in 24 states and two provinces in Canada, there have been zombie sightings. Of course, the zombies are deer and not people, but that’s beside the point!

WPXI reports: “Zombie deer” disease, officially called chronic wasting disease, or CWD, has spread into 24 states and two provinces in Canada, and researchers are worried humans could contract it, given certain circumstances.

The disease is primarily found in free-ranging deer, elk and moose, and has been identified in farmed deer and elk, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

There have been no recorded human infections, but here’s why the CDC is concerned. Studies have suggested that non-human primates, like monkeys, that eat infected meat or come into contact with an infected animal’s body fluid, could be at risk. The CDC said the research raises concern there could be a risk to people as well.

With no treatments or vaccines for so-called “Zombie deer” disease, the illness is fatal, although some infected animals may never develop the disease.

And since I’m sure you were curious, here’s a map of all the places the zombie deer have been seen. It would appear that all of Wyoming has fallen to the undead, so maybe I’d cancel any trips to Yellowstone if I were you.




Man suing parents for giving birth to him

“Hey, I didn’t ask to be born! Anyways, take these papers. You’ve been served.”

Consent has been a hot topic of discussion in the news lately. With the #metoo movement, and several prominent politicians and celebrities being accused of assault, lots of people have been arguing about what situations people can actually give their consent to. Can a drunk women consent? Should men take “no” as a “hard no” or “just playing hard to get”? Can I sue my parents for giving birth to me? While there isn’t a definite answer on that last question, one Indian man is trying to find out!

Time Magazine reports: A 27-year-old Indian businessman is planning to sue his parents for bringing him into the world without his consent.

The BBC reports that Raphael Samuel from Mumbai identifies as “anti-natalist,” a belief that life is so insufferable that people should stop procreating.

“There’s no point to humanity. So many people are suffering,” Samuel said, according to the BBC. “If humanity is extinct, Earth and animals would be happier. They’ll certainly be better off. Also no human will then suffer. Human existence is totally pointless.”

To translate: the-office-dwight-quote-7.jpg

The article goes on to say that the nihilist-in-chief has not found a lawyer to take up his case. His plan is further complicated by the fact that both of his parents, who will be thenceforth known as Defendants 1 and 2, are both lawyers.

“I must admire my son’s temerity to want to take his parents to court knowing both of us are lawyers,” his mother, Kavita Karnad Samuel, said in a statement. “And if Raphael could come up with a rational explanation as to how we could have sought his consent to be born, I will accept my fault.”

“I’m very happy that my son has grown up into a fearless, independent-thinking young man,” she added. “He is sure to find his path to happiness.”

To which her son replied, “It’s not a phase, mom!”


Why I Disappeared

Hello, everybody!

So … That Christmas break went a little longer than I expected. The past month and a half has been very hectic for me, for numerous reasons. I just wanted to let you know what I’ve been up to, and what I’m foreseeing for myself and this blog in the future.

Starting in January, I’ve gone back to school. I’m part of an online program with the University of Iowa, pursuing a graduate degree in “strategic communication.” This is a Marketing and Public Relations degree, more or less, but with lots of different elective courses and options to customize it into whatever kind of communications degree you really want it to be. Being a college student again, even online, has eaten up a big chunk of my free time.

Secondly, work has gotten pretty busy, too. Winter is supposedly the “slow months” up here in Alaska, but so far that hasn’t been true for the newspaper. With spring and summer around the corner, I can only expect things to get busier.

With all that in mind, I just want to assure all two of my readers that I do plan to keep MWAS going. However, the schedule is going to have to change, at least temporarily, until I figure out how to fit it all in with everything else happening in my life. So, starting this week, MWAS will be going on an every-other-day schedule. This means you can expect my next update on Wednesday, then Friday, then Monday again. If you’re subscribed to my Patreon page, I’m also going to start uploading extra exclusive stories more regularly on the weekends.

Long story short, the blog is coming back! We just went into a little bit of hibernation this winter. With luck, I’ll be able to get this thing back up to full speed soon.

Thank you all for your patience and support! See you Wednesday!

Parachutes Unnecessary … As Long as The Plane Stays on The Ground

Parachutes, in theory, are supposed to make falling out of an airplane a survivable event. A recent study by people from the Harvard Medical School has shown that they’re unnecessary, however! The odds of you surviving a jump from an airplane are just the same regardless of whether or not you’re wearing a parachute … Of course, that’s assuming the airplane you jump from never leaves the ground.

Tech Times reports: In an experiment, Robert Yeh, from Harvard Medical School, and colleagues recruited 23 people to find out if parachutes are effective at preventing injuries and death in people falling out of an airplane.

Half of the participants jumped out of the planes with parachutes while the other half jumped out with just empty bags strapped to their back.

And then one participant, a wascally cartoon rabbit, jumped out of the plane with a backpack stuffed with a grand piano.

The findings showed that the parachutes made no difference in the odds of the participants of living or dying.

While the experiment may sound dangerous, the researchers did not actually make people jump out of a fast moving aircraft thousands of feet up in the air. No one would be foolish enough to participate in a study with such a dangerous setting.

I don’t know. If you go around a college campus during finals week I’m willing to bet you’ll find a fair share of suicidal people.

The study only tested the effectiveness of parachutes on people falling just a few feet toward the ground from a plane that was not moving at all.

The researchers said the real reason why they did not find any change in the death rate is because no one died from the experiment. Who dies from just jumping out of a plane parked on the ground?

That depends entirely on how you land!


Exposed Graves Not Cemetery’s Problem, Apparently

South Carolina has been dealing with quite a bit of stormy weather, recently. The city of Charleston has been dealing with flooding and all kinds of property damage. There are some unspoken victims of this bad weather, too. The reason they are unspoken is mostly because they can’t speak. Several graves in downtown Charleston have been exposed because of the bad weather. This has raised an important question, as well as some deceased people: Who’s problem is this?

WCSC reports: The operators of the cemetery where flooding from heavy rains popped open grave vaults and exposed 10 caskets say they aren’t responsible for fixing the graves.

The damaged graves were reported Sunday at Monrovia Cemetery in downtown Charleston.

South Carolina law says the cemetery is supposed to report exposed graves to the county coroner, but the Charleston County Coroner’s Office says they cemetery hasn’t reported these floating vaults, yet.

“Sir, do you know about the exposed graves?”

“Nope, never heard of it.”

“But I just told you about them.”

“I’m not listening.”

Some of the emotional family members said the way this situation is being treated is heartbreaking.

“I want to move her,” Jamaria Myers, who also has loved ones buried in the cemetery said. “I asked if I can. They said, ‘You would disturb her peace,’ but technically shes already out of the ground.”

Just let her be, if you want my opinion! The miniature water park that the cemetery has turned into is the most fun she’s probably had in years!

A man who answered the phone at the cemetery office said an act of God caused this, so “God is responsible” for fixing the damaged graves. The man, who would not give his name, also said the loved ones shouldn’t be worried because these people are dead and do not have a voice, so why should it matter?

To summarize: Idgaf.

This story has only reinforced my desire to be cremated after I’m gone: There won’t be any body left to get waterlogged. Besides, if my remains are disturbed by bad weather, it’s nothing that a vacuum can’t fix! Problem solved!


Sex Offender Serves as Grand Marshal of Mississippi Christmas Parade

To be fair, they tried to find someone who wasn’t a sex offender or a drug addict … but it’s Mississippi.

The town of Sardis, Mississippi held their annual Christmas parade last Tuesday. Anybody who has lived in a small town knows how big of a deal Christmas parades can be. Everybody, and I mean everybody, turns out for those parades. Local businesses get banners on the sides of trailers, the school’s marching band goes through town, the mayor will be sitting on top of a convertible car and waving at everybody, you get the mental image. No matter the small town, the parades are generally all the same. However, the Sardis Christmas parade was a little bit unique because of it’s parade marshall: A local and well known sex offender.

WREG reports: Michael Saripkin presided over the Sardis Christmas parade Tuesday.

Now, before we continue, let’s try to hold off on the judgement. Maybe this guy made a huge mistake in his past, but has tried to make himself into a better person?

Saripkin was convicted in Tennessee of sexual battery in 1990 and statutory rape in 1997. In 2013, he was convicted in Mississippi of inappropriately touching a child.

Oh, never mind. He’s got three strikes against him … except this isn’t baseball.

Store owner Carolyn Whaley says she knew of Saripkin’s past but didn’t object to the honor. She says Saripkin has donated money to civic causes and encouraged businesses to move to Sardis.

Officials with the city of Sardis and the Chamber of Commerce couldn’t be reached for comment. The Sardis Chamber of Commerce holds the parade.

“So, did you guys know he’s a pedophile?”

“Yeah, but he supports local businesses!”

“I think ‘shop local’ means something entirely different to a sex offender.”

And before we close, I would just like everybody to take a look at this guy’s mugshot. Why do people with the label “sex offender” always look like sex offenders? It’s a chicken-or-the-egg situation: Which came first, the creepy look, or the creepy sex life?


Sex offender serves as grand marshal of Mississippi town’s Christmas parade

Chocolate River Closes Road in Germany

Only in Germany … Actually, I take that back. Only in Germany, or in Willy Wonka’s factory!

A road in the German town of Westönnen was closed on Monday due to a rather unexpected traffic obstruction. Now, anybody who has ever lived in a small town knows how inconvenient any road closure can be, as well as how long it can take for city officials to actually fix the road. So, what closed the road? Pot holes? Car wreck? Herd of deer just standing around? Apparently, it was none of the above. It was a river of chocolate.

The BBC reports: The road was closed in the western town of Westönnen late on Monday after a tank of chocolate in a factory spilled and poured into the street.

The chocolate quickly solidified. About 10 sq m (108 sq ft) was cleared by 25 firefighters using shovels, hot water and blowtorches.

Employees of the DreiMeister factory also helped with the sugary emergency.

“Despite this heartbreaking incident, it is unlikely that a chocolate-free Christmas is imminent,” the fire department said.

Oh, good! I was worried.

Also, because I’m sure you were curious, here is some live footage of a local resident of the town trying to cross the street when the chocolate tank exploded: